For all my rhetoric
about tearing down walls,
realizing you’re special,
feeling connected to the Universe,
there are moments
when I feel like I’m still the same
insecure,
under-confident,
massively depressed
teenager I used to be,
and for all the work I’ve done on myself,
there isn’t much to show for it.
You can never fully escape depression,
no matter how hard you try
to hide from it,
to handle it,
to heal from it.
You will always have moments of weakness,
and depression will be right there,
lying in wait,
like a deceiving
yet oddly familiar crutch.
At such moments,
the best thing you can do
is to know
with utmost certainty
that it will pass.
It’s okay to sleep it off,
to talk to someone,
eat comfort food,
watch a funny movie,
or even find a corner to cry in,
to let yourself feel
the weight,
the sinking,
the numbness
and pointlessness of life,
because those thoughts will come.
It’s okay to lean into it,
and feel like you’re utterly
at rock bottom.
Just don’t act on it.
Hang in there.
Wait it out.
A couple hours,
a couple days.
Because it will pass.
You’ll notice that all the effort you’ve put in –
learning how to better yourself,
how to transcend the pain,
and grow towards the light –
it hasn’t been for nothing.
Your strength and resolve will slowly return.
Your deep-seated desire
to unearth yourself from the mire
will become your lifeline,
so that whenever you feel like you’re drowning
in a cesspool of negative energy,
your lifeline will always be there to pull you out,
back to consciousness,
back to your waking self,
and to your mission of lighting up the world
with your very existence.
Some people believe
you can measure the worth of your existence
solely by what you’ve achieved in life.
The truth is,
your worth can’t be measured.
Your value is inherent.
It’s incomparable,
and it’s inked into the unfolding of your story,
which is itself entwined
into this infinite adventure called Life.
So before trying to conquer the world
by crossing off an endless list of to-dos
and achieving a myriad long-term goals,
remember to just BE.
Remember who you are
and who you aren’t.
Who you are is
unique,
irreplacable,
whole,
a universe unto yourself,
born on this Earth to learn
and love
and luxuriate
in the magic of this world.
Who you are not is
lazy,
dumb,
talentless,
ugly,
weak,
hateful,
a mistake.
There is no such thing as a mistake.
Every person,
every moment,
has a purpose.
Find yours.
And if you can’t find it,
create it.
And when you do,
revel in it.
Living with purpose is the ultimate antidote
to depression.
The more you learn to believe in yourself,
the greater the heights you’ll climb,
until one day
you’ll find yourself soaring above the clouds,
able to help pull others out of their despair,
and into this One
enigmatic
yet extraordinary
life we all share.