Come a Little Closer

Sometimes it feels like I’m always sad
and things will never be any other way.
The void within will continue to grow,
as will this angst and constant searching
for something I may never get.
Is it an all-consuming purpose?
The truth about life?
Or just the truth about my life?

Although living this privileged existence on the outside,
my spirit feels as restless as a wandering dervish,
always in search of the truth,
looking for beauty and love
in every speck and every soul,
in every corner of this world.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a beautiful soul.
But what good is it if there’s no one to see it,
to recognize it
and appreciate it?
It’s never meant much to me to have a pretty face,
yet somehow,
that is what matters to most.

You are the only One who truly knows me,
but I hardly know You.
The closer I try to get,
the farther I seem to move away
from the people of this world,
their desires,
their to do lists,
their visions for the future.

I wish I could meet You,
but instead I try to gather You,
like items on a scavenger hunt,
from your most fragile forms,
like the petals of a flower
or the nuanced brushstrokes of a breaking dawn,
to your most resplendent creations,
like the lush and lofty trees of the rainforests
or the majestic star-lit sky.
From the concrete columns of architectural marvels
to the intangible emotions of a couple lost in love,
I collect each piece of you
and add it to the void within,
hoping for a sense of closeness,
a glimpse of paradise,
a soulful balm.
And sometimes,
it works.

I often wonder if You’re watching me from above
or deep within
and laughing at my exertions
trying so hard
to feel so close
to the One who is already
so near.

Why is joy so hard to experience?
Why are guilt and fear so deeply ingrained in our psyches?
Why are these invisible bonds so impossible to break?
These cloaks of despair so hard to shake?

You say You’re closer to us than our jugular vein.
Why, then, is it so hard to feel You?
Are you hidden in my tears?
Are you blended in my breath?
Because then I might understand
why I cry so much,
why I sigh so much.

Sometimes I think
you ask too much
of me.
Or perhaps I am one of your weaker creations,
to serve what purpose, I do not know,
except to feel
this ever-present
pull.

What do I do with all this love,
with all this longing?
How do I spend this life
so far away from You?
Unless perhaps,
You think it’s time
to come a little closer,
so I may finally experience
the infinite,
before this life is over.

7 thoughts on “Come a Little Closer

  1. Beautiful expression of the quest we all share for meaning. Meaning, which through my excessively long journey has become apparent to me that it is only the ultimate Love that is meaning. Each day wanting to touch that Love. So close, and yet so far.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d really like to say something that would help, not something clever or poetic, just real to you. A line in a poem by some realized comes back to me a lot when I encounter someone who’s searching but can’t seem to find the divine, but I don’t remember it exactly, something like: often in dream and muse the truth that he had missed looked out on him. How deeply have you opened the door of dream? Do you dwell there? How much time do you spend in reverie and in that waking up or falling asleep place feeling the intensity of the aspiration for God (to just use the easy term) you have in your poem? Have you tried the all out, as 24/7 as you are increasingly able to do, concentration on and aspiration for the Supreme, just by faith understanding it is everything and doing whatever task, talking to whatever person, doing or saying or thinking anything, as though it or they were the One? You’ll find it’s more than possible, and in that, you’ll find the key.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, Donny! My issue is not so much that I can’t find the Divine, but that I can’t bear the separation at times. For me, the Divine is all around me, all the time. When I’m feeling in pain though, I wish my Beloved were even closer, even more manifest. But that is a deficiency of my five senses; any multi-sensory person knows we are all One, and all separation is only an illusion.

      Liked by 1 person

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