Tag Archives: heartbreak

Why You?

Why you, I wonder?
He hides Love in the most unlikely people and places,
and then nudges us towards them.
Why do I love you?
My intellect provides a hundred possible reasons,
but my heart knows better.
It was never a choice, was it?
You arrived
and suddenly my heart –
clamped shut for so long –
broke open.
The crack was tiny, at first,
imperceptible and unnoticed.
But with time, it gasped and grew,
until its sudden breadth
overwhelmed my breath.
I never even knew what hit me.

There were so many things wrong with you,
yet I was completely enamored.
Hadn’t heartbreak taught me anything?
Hadn’t it hardened me to Love’s fickle nature?
Why do I desire to ache mercilessly at all times?
This ache will ruin me.
Yet still, I want to be ruined.
The angel and demon within me
argue endlessly –
which is which,
and who is saying what,
I do not know.
Are you good for me?
Or bad for me?
You simply are.
Is it a sin to sit and stare at you for hours,
even if “you” are just an imprint
on my imagination?
I expect nothing from you.
I want to, but know I can’t.
Just your existence,
your spirit roaming the same world as mine,
your smile and safety,
that is what I pray for.
Why He hid this Love in you,
I do not know.
What purpose will it serve?
What torture will I endure?
Who knows?
But I submit myself to it anyway.
In truth, my soul begs for it.
Everyone knows
romantics are the worst kind of masochists,
who try to make love to life’s every moment,
who live for the highs,
and die for the lows,
and suffer the pauses between,
by spinning stories
like silk
out of the most beautiful silence.

Now though,
my stories suffocate me,
imprisoning me like Anarkali
within lofty palace walls.
When did this Love solidify?
Wasn’t it meant to free me?
I breathe fire to melt this steel
because this Love was meant to steal
so much more.
You and I were meant for bigger things.
I spread your nectar among others
like a selfless honey bee,
because you, my beloved…
you amplify me.

In your presence,
I forget myself,
and remember the One Who created you,
the One Who made our paths cross.
Of a certainty, we will part,
and age,
and turn to dust,
but so, too,
is this separation a myth,
our true nature –
ageless,
and this moment –
molten
magic.

I Loved You Simply

Inspired by Pablo Neruda’s One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII

I loved you without knowing how,
or when or from where.
I loved you simply.
I love you still.

Such child-like innocence we had,
such purity of need and emotion.
In truth, we were leechers, not lovers.
One would give, one would take,
one was crumbs to the other man’s cake.

As time marched on,
our splinters began to show,
our poison began to flow,
our hearts turned harder,
our paths veered farther
and farther
apart.

“Love” is the loftiest of illusions.
One glimpse and,
like a drug,
we want more.
But love needs faithful legs to stand on, too.
Without them, the illusion disappears,
and all we have left are fears.

The heart aches,
the mirror breaks,
the shards draw blood,
we drag each other through mud.
It hurts,
it hurts,
it hurts,
the pain a reminder of “love”‘s dictate.
“Breathe,” it cries, “breathe and you will awake”
Learn to discern, what is real, what is fake.

It was True Love’s kiss that broke the curse, however slight,
however gentle.
We had two choices –
reblossom or burn.
I fell to the earth, digging,
even as the fire held firm.

Love is Wise, Love is Patient.
It waits lifetime upon lifetime
for us to find it,
for us to feel it.

I loved you without knowing how,
or when or from where.
I loved you simply.
I love you still.

And that, in truth,
is Love’s will.

A Claim I Will Never Make

It is a claim I will never make,
an accusation I will never deny,
the power I possess scares me,
leaves me too terrified to even try

to make a choice, to take that step,
to find a way to ascend,
releasing all my crutches,
no longer having to pretend.

You are my One,
You are my Only,
How could I think
choosing You’d make me lonely?

The closer I get,
the warmer Your embrace,
the heartbreak I always feared,
suddenly so much easier to face.

My ‘I’ has driven me to torment.
Allow me to fully unpeel and dissolve.
Let my ‘I’ die before dying.
Oh Beloved, please help me evolve.

This pain is a most torturous ally,
a disguise for ecstasy, most sly.
It is a claim I will never make,
an accusation I will never deny.