When I sit in silence
with nothing but my thoughts for company,
my consciousness for comfort,
I feel,
palpably,
that something is missing.
For years, I didn’t know what that was.
An absence of goals and dreams?
A lack of purpose?
No connection to a single home,
a stable identity?
The theories behind my inadequacy came and went –
childhood trauma,
young adult depression,
laziness without ambition,
not enough gratitude.
Now I know better.
The thing that’s missing,
the lack of which makes me feel
this unbearable loneliness and deep-seated longing,
is You.
You who created me
and loves me like no other.
You, who are with me,
even when you’re not,
who gifts me moments of work and rest,
glimpses of transcendence and treachery.
Despite all that you have blessed me with –
family, friends, multiple homes, diverse experiences, a world of beauty and amazement –
nothing compares to the feeling
of being
with You.
I miss you always.
I sometimes wonder how I’ll last
with just this tenuous connection between us.
I want more.
Is this what greed is?
Then, truly, I am a greedy person.
Honor, nobility, morality be damned.
You can see right through to the core of my being,
even if no one else can.
I ache for you,
like a child who’s been separated from his mother,
or someone who wants only to be wrapped in her lover’s embrace.
I ache.
And that is the root of all my pain.
Everything else pales in comparison
to the joy of being with you.
Yet I know
that “everything else” is your gift to me,
to keep me balanced,
too distracted to drown
under the weight
of this painful disconnection.
How can I help others to heal
when my own wounds feel so fresh,
so physical?
When will this ache diminish?
How do I move forward in this life
when all I want is to fall back
into You,
when all I can think about
is melting into your embrace
and becoming One
again?
You say heaven or hell lies ahead of us,
on the other side of this life.
I say heaven or hell is right now,
this life and what we make of it.
What, then, waits for us on the other side?
Home?
Perfect union?
Limitless love?
You, with arms outstretched.
Beautifully written. But, is it “it”?
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Thank you! I’m not quite sure what you mean.
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Beautifully written ❤
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Thank you, love!😊
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You are embarked on a journey of self discovery. This is not for everyone, only those who are dissatisfied and those who seek. Wanting a partnership with God will lead you to the right path.
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InshaAllah!❤️
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Wonderful…well written… please read my post on silence
https://chitkaladitosh.com/2017/12/02/silence-a-refection/
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Thank you for your kind words, Chitkala! Your poem was lovely. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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Thanks
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Reblogged this on Cristian Mihai.
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Thank you, Cristian!
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This is so good. You describe the soul’s journey so well
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Thank you! I appreciate your comments and am so glad the piece resonated with you.😊
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You are very welcome
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Very nice write up.
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Thank you, Prakaash!
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Beautiful. Thank you. Helped me realise how we are not alone….
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I’m so glad this piece was able to share something so important with you. Thank you for reading it!❤️
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Beautiful. 🙂
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Thank you, Jeff!😊
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